Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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