Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Randomize
