i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
