A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
