If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
