i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize