he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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