I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize