yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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