You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
