I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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