I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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