hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
