...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
