my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
