When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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