I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Mom said you looked used
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
