does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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