After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
