I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
