my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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