woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize