just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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