I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
