after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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