You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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