I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
