From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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