I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
