that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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