I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
