I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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