Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
