GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
