Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I know her cup size but not her name....
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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