so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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