Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
