it was like eating out sand paper
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
BRING THE BAGELS
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
