I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
