I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
