remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I would fuck him just for his dog
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize