Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
