i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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