I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
