Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
