There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
