she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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