He disabled his match.com account in front of me
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
