Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
