Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
