I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
