I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
