dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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