I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
