U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
