My Higher Power is John Stamos
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I'm really busy with my period
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