hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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