So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
