dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
