At least make sure they are 18
Why
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Randomize
