FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
