I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
