so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
