i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
