i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
