Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
