i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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