Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
