paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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